Consistency: The Disclaimer

So I'm thinking I may need to clarify my last post Good Intentions. Bad Decision.  I think I may have given the impression that Matt lacked understanding in my intentions and thus sealing my fate unnecessarily.




Well ---- you see, there is something that I didn't explain in the last post, as I didn't think it really added to the story.  However, in hindsight, not including it did inadvertently leave something important out of the story.

My need for consistency.

In my last post I shared this screenshot of his text:


On the surface it does look as though Matt disregarded my heart in exchange for a paddling, when a good scolding would have sufficed. But let me back our story up a bit for a clearer focus. We're not going back very far -- just about 2 weeks before Christmas.

The closer we were to the holidays, the more emotional and unhinged I was getting. There was a plethora of pressure points coming at me from several different directions and I wasn't handling any of them very well.  Matt kept assuring that he loved me. He would hold me and remind me to breathe and take one stressor at a time. 

But I was unraveling. Some of the situations angered me and as the days went on my interactions became laced with sarcasm and subtle disrespect.  He had asked several times what he could do to relieve the stress. Though my mind wanted to shout "Spank me you big softie!" my lips would resort to "I'm fine. I'm sorry. Just tired."  He'd give me a hug, tell me I was going to make it and then help me with the laundry, or the dishes, or the number of household chores that had suffered during the many mini-crises we were trying to get through.

He is the epitome of grace and patience and yet I was doubting his love......again.  (We have these exact arguments every few months it seems.  I am continually working on my submission and he's continually working on consistency.)  In my heart I knew he loved me, but I need to feel it. (pun most definitely intended.)  

Then one day it all came to a head. On this certain day I probably earned about 10 spankings - but didn't get any of them.  I felt forgotten.  I felt empty and alone. And I told him so in no uncertain terms complete with colourful language and a few other broken rules.  Then I questioned him angrily as to why he wouldn't  just deal with me; why he wouldn't just snatch me up here and now and give me the spanking I deserved. I didn't need his kindness, I needed his hairbrush.  

Long story short, it wasn't until the next day that it finally clicked with him.  In the middle of my exasperated attempt to shut him down, he stood up and started clearing off the kitchen table.  He moved my glasses and I quipped that I needed them.

"You won't need them for the next 10 minutes."  And he was right as over the table I went.

Since that time, Matt has upped his game.  He's not just been assuring me that he's holding me tight  -- he really really is.  And I am truly much better for it and so is he.

So yesterday when I received his text - I was mad at myself, but not at him.  He was doing exactly what I had asked of him so many times before -- "Hold the line and don't make excuses for me. "

And he did.  I bent. He paddled. We made up and then some. :) :) 

Comments

  1. OMG .. you are living my life or me yours, Shell! ... if I ever get to the post I have had planned for weeks, I will talk about consistency or the lack thereof, as well. And I get the same way ... run up to Christmas, summer company that stays for days, stressful project deadlines and I get snappy, snarky and unruly ... and yes, just spank my ass please!
    And your last post was perfect ... no need for clarification, although I very much appreciated this post as well ...
    nj ... xx

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    1. LOL!! Thanks Nora Jean. Glad to know I'm not the only one who gets swallowed up on the chaos.....with a sore bottom as seemingly the only fix. :)

      And I just read Windy's comment below about you both and your own versions of disclaimers. I am in good company. :) :)

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  2. I second Nora Jean! Every point she made! I am pretty sure you are me!

    Boo

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  3. I understand and I envy you. I love Nick - he is perfect for me and I'd have no other man. But consistency is not his strong suit. I think you'd like Tom (Tom and Cassie in my books) Consistency is Tom's middle name!

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    1. We go through phases. Sometimes he's more consistent than others -- and sometimes I'm more submissive than others. (And ironically, both seem to heavily rely on the other)

      When I have a moment (maybe when my kids are in uni) I'm gonna have to read these books of yours. Sounds fun! :) :)

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  4. Inconsistancy is a big problem here, too. I'm so glad you posted this- I was feeling rather envious yesterday, wishing that my guy would be that consistent.

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    1. LOL!! Oh trust me, we have so many learning curves in our house, we feel like we're often running in circles. Thanks for the encouragement!

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  5. Hi Shell, :) Consistency is a tough one! Rob and I have always kind of tried to go with the flow as far as that goes. For the most part though, he is consistent. Every now and then, not as much. Usually there is a reason behind it. Getting back on track is always a great feeling though, isn't it? Happy that you are back on track! Many hugs,

    ❤️Katie xoxo

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    1. Yes it does. It seems to be a recurring battle for us (of course, so does my submission) so we both have to find our mojo every now and again. Hugs back at ya.

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  6. Shell,

    Excellent post......... in fact, I think this one is your best to date. I love all of it.

    I often am so guilty of speech laced with sarcasm and disrepsect to his mild mannered ways. Jack is right there to help to a point of aggrevation. Sometimes spanking is just not on his mind until it is. My guy is most consistent though and, like Matt, only will let things go on for just so long. These guys know how well this ttwd works. The spanking so changes everything and every single time too. Your Matt sounds a lot like my Jack.: patient, loving, helpful, but finally ready to take the actions that will improve the situation.

    I am continually impressed with the flow of your writing........ how you tell your readers your story here. Thank you for daring to become a blogger and such a worthy blogger at that.

    Meredith

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    1. Thanks Meredith. I have a good mentor who told me the other day to relax and be myself. :) :) I needed to hear that.

      And it's true - Matt is very very patient - but once I've crossed that line, there is no turning back. I still wonder sometimes why he just doesn't make spanking his first resort instead of his last . But he often says that he first lets me get all of the anger/frustration out of my system, so when it's time to deal with it over his knee, I'm ready, because I've already emptied myself of all that was pent-up. Love that man!

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  7. Shell,
    I am laughing at the fact that you just wrote about a disclaimer because Nora Jean and I had a very specific discussion about that once where we both felt sometimes we want to put a disclaimer at the top of a post to clarify. Then NJ even did that once, and I was laughing so hard because most people who read that post totally missed it. hahaahha Here's what it boils down to for me: We all care what one another think sof us and our posts in blog land and that will never go away and it shouldn't. However, when we're brand new to this environment, we WORRY about what readers/bloggers will think, and that's a big difference.

    Either way, your post was very good and so on target .... that "consistency" word ..... all you have to do is mention it and we ALL know exactly what that means within a TTWD relationship. It has bitten many of us in the butt, when all we really want is to be spanked when we need/deserve it , but the HOH misses it for a myriad of reasons. Great job creating healthy dialogue here in blogland, Shell. Hugs, Windy

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    1. Awe!! That's hilarious! Glad to know I'm in good company. I just tell it like it is - and I had to put the disclaimer out there or I wasn't going to sleep another night. :) Matt read it the other day (Before he had seen the first one) I think I had him worried a bit. He was like "What exactly did you say about me??" Poor guy. :) :)

      Most of the time if Matt misses it, it's just because he's just too darn nice!! Frustrating, right?!?!? He has a hard time seeing how his sweetness can be so infuriating sometimes. (But than again -- now that's he's on top of his game - my bum is kind of missing the pushover! LOL)

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  8. These have been excellent posts Shell, you’re very good at getting your points across, disclaimer or no disclaimer.
    It always strikes me as funny when I read about how similar we all are out here. The feelings, the needs, the desires we all share regarding our ttwd, and spanking. It truly amazes me to know there are so many of us that share these things.
    Consistency is key for ttwd to work well, it just doesn’t have the same effect without it. It may not always be about the spanking, although important, but I find consistency in general. The power of words, and actions, what he does and how and what he says. It all goes hand in hand for me and i need and want the entire thing! Lol! It sounds like your guy, even though a softie as you say, has this down as well. It’s clear that he’s taking good care of you. :)

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    1. You hit the nail on the head! I cannot tell you the relief I felt when I realised it really isn't "just about the spanking." His voice, his demeanor, it's the whole package.

      And there is comfort in knowing there are other like me. It's a relief. I wish I would have found this community years ago -- the mistakes and doubts I could have avoided. Hugs. -- shell

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  9. Hi Shell,

    This is such a great post. Consistency is a tough one for so many of us and I love how you and Matt have communicated and worked to overcome consistency issues.I so understand the frustrating when it is lacking.

    Love the ending :)

    Hugs
    Roz

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  10. I didn't really like the ending when it was happening , LOL, but yes, in restrospect - I earned it. I needed it. And I am grateful. :) Thanks Roz.

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